Saturday, October 17, 2009

Where did she go?

It occured to me this week, as I sat on the train or bus people watching that for maybe the third time in my life I have become in a sense invisible. That girl wearing the funky scarf and the not very sensible pair of shoes sitting by the window, chatting away, that used to be me--well of course she and I were never the same person. But I wore the wrong things for sexiness alone. I gave out the wrong phone number. Flirted with a guy took his number and never called. I bought purses for no other reason than they matched this one outfit I might wear.
I went out alone, traveled alone and thought little of it.
But, here I am now sitting with my legs tight together with my practical purse and my comfortable boots and my neat hairstyle and I realize that I have disappeared--no better yet dissipated because I feel what was me has scattered somehow and become not much of anything at all.
And so I wonder, do I make the perfect wife because I'm safe? I won't do anything too crazy. I'll never really stand up and take a stand. The good wife. The good mother.
You know I miss that screwed up chick who thought she was invincible and didn't care if her hairstlye or clothing fit the mold.

1 comment:

  1. Found your blog by chance- and this post is about me. I used to be punk, cool,whatever. The most frequently asked question was what color is your hair now? I used to be able to say- pink, brown, black, red....

    After 3 kids and marriage of 13 years, I now answer, blonde, just blonde for over 15 years- Where did I go?

    I also just started a blog

    When you find time for yourself, come see me...