Where did she go?

It occured to me this week, as I sat on the train or bus people watching that for maybe the third time in my life I have become in a sense invisible. That girl wearing the funky scarf and the not very sensible pair of shoes sitting by the window, chatting away, that used to be me--well of course she and I were never the same person. But I wore the wrong things for sexiness alone. I gave out the wrong phone number. Flirted with a guy took his number and never called. I bought purses for no other reason than they matched this one outfit I might wear.
I went out alone, traveled alone and thought little of it.
But, here I am now sitting with my legs tight together with my practical purse and my comfortable boots and my neat hairstyle and I realize that I have disappeared--no better yet dissipated because I feel what was me has scattered somehow and become not much of anything at all.
And so I wonder, do I make the perfect wife because I'm safe? I won't do anything too crazy. I'll never really stand up and take a stand. The good wife. The good mother.
You know I miss that screwed up chick who thought she was invincible and didn't care if her hairstlye or clothing fit the mold.

Jump in!

So, a couple days ago Chicago was a rainy mess and cold and dreary. Through this I had to get my son to school, then handle my own affairs and then pick him up. As I walked in my 2 year old boots, with my jeans tucked in, I realized that I was looking down repeatedly to avoid the large puddles. I thought of my son and how that very morning I had scolded him not to jump in the puddles, because I didn't want his clothes all wet on the way to school.
What changes? When do we stop wanting to jump in those puddles and instead walk around?
Who cares anyway? So I jumped in a few and then walked through a few more. I mean if my jeans were to actually get wet, guess who has the pleasure of washing them on laundry day?

Chances that I will get angry at myself for a little mud or muck on my jeans? Slim to nil. So next time there's a rain storm, I say jump in, get wet, just make sure your kids aren't watching. Or...hey loosen up and jump in together!

So, the other day I was telling someone that I had a blog site, but of course they had not ever seen or read it. Biggest reason why? I never write on it. I never seem to find the time to sit down and post a new message. Why? I'm always running around doing something for someone else. That's why. So I decided to make a serious effort to sit down and do this one thing for myself. Everyday. And who better to make this blog for than other women like myself? Always putting babies, friends,spouses, work, relatives first before we handle something for ourselves. So this is for us. No family meal tips, no best this or that for kids, this is about being selfish for once. This is about us. (And P.S. my site says for the mamas, but even if you don't have any of your own kids yet, but you still find yourself mothering the population some kinda how, this is for you too.)